


Bad Things

by NanakiBH



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Corruption, Dysfunctional Relationships, Existential Angst, Freudian Elements, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Incest, Loss of Innocence, M/M, Obsession, One-Sided Relationship, Perversion, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Vignette, Violent Thoughts, one hell of a dark coming of age story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 19:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12778263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: Like father, like son.





	Bad Things

**Author's Note:**

> More of a mood piece than anything. I've listened to Proto Disco by Nuyuri so many times recently. It's so stylish and angry.

“I heard a baby crying today. While I was on the platform, waiting for the train.”

Akechi leaned against Shido's desk. Shido was busy with something, so he was just talking to himself. He sort of liked those moments. As long as he wasn't told to shut up, he felt like he could get away with saying almost anything.

That small office was the safe box where he stored all of his darkest thoughts. Talking to himself out loud in his apartment didn't provide the same catharsis as speaking in that room where he had a listener.

Akechi knew he was listening.

He continued thinking out loud without expecting any response.

“That baby's crying... It struck me as such an upsetting sound. It made me think, 'Isn't it unfair that people bring children into a world like this without thinking about whether or not they'd even want to exist here?' I felt like I could hear that child lamenting the cursed life it was being forced to live.”

It was just a selfish thought, probably. Even if his intentions were immature, however, he wanted to implant the seed of that unpleasant thought deep in the depths of Shido's brain – to infect him with it like a parasite that would grow within him and gnaw at the scraps of his broken conscience.

Pausing in his work, Shido lifted his head, glasses balanced on the end of his nose, and he looked at him with his features drawn tightly together in a look of severe skepticism.

“That sounds like something only a sociopath would think.”

Pushing off from the desk, Akechi turned around. He put his hands down on the surface next to Shido's pretentious nameplate and leaned toward him. “Really? Don't you think their parents are terrible for being so inconsiderate?”

“Do you even understand why people have children?”

No.

Not really.

Based on his own experience, that was a thing he couldn't comprehend at all. But something gave him the feeling that Shido was going to explain it for him, and he felt very interested in hearing what sort of irritatingly hypocritical thing someone in his position had to say. As if eager to taste an even greater hatred, Akechi wanted to hear the despicable thoughts inside his head.

Shido's brow softened and his eyes emptied, his expression becoming vacant of emotion.

“It's about legacy. Those who are too weak to carve out a place for themselves in history want to feel reassured that they'll be remembered by someone. I don't need that. By my own power, I'm going to make sure that my name is unforgotten.”

Arrogant, indeed.

What was he going to do if his ambitions were snatched from him? What if his first day in office was his last?

The irony made Akechi's lips curl into a smile that he carefully hid behind the back of his hand. If it were up to him, Shido's name would be a single tragic line in the history books. If he continued to be so despicable, then his legacy would die inside his son, denied of breath and buried along with him, laid to rest where others' feet would tread over them. He was going to regret his words.

“Still...” Akechi returned to his former position, showing him his unreadable back. “You aren't disagreeing with me, are you? There are unwanted children and those who are wanted, but even the wanted ones will become adults themselves someday.” He took a small glance over his shoulder to confirm that Shido was still watching him. “To those who were unwanted as children, what do you think should be most important to them as adults? Being happy or being remembered?”

Shido breathed out slowly and pushed up his glasses.

“To be remembered is happiness itself.”

Akechi felt his heart sinking, feeling the cold certainty of Shido's words. It didn't matter how absurd it sounded to hear the word 'happiness' come from that mouth when there felt to be truth in what he said.

Turning around to face him, he tried to remove the hesitation from his voice as he asked, curiously, “Do you think anyone would remember me?”

“What's there to remember?” Shido said. With his matter-of-fact tone, his words didn't parse as a question. “I'm sure that there are some who will remember you for your performance, but the real you will go extinct if no one knows it.” His eyes narrowed as his mouth widened into a toothy, mischievous grin. “You don't have anyone, do you? Then, I'm the only one who knows who you really are. You should feel reassured. The memory of this person will be immortal within me.”

“No one...? That's... not true...” Akechi's eyes traveled to the desk, to the hand he had placed there, fingers unconfidently curled into a loose fist. “I'm sure there are some who...”

 

What did he think he was doing, relying on them?

 

Even if he shared some of his inner thoughts with them, it didn't make a difference. It didn't matter how much of himself he filled them with. Their memories of him would be emptied from their heads once he tore a hole through them. Besides, there was only so much he could let them see. They didn't know him...

 

They wouldn't know him like Shido would.

 

That was the world's most miserable truth. Only someone as terrible as his own father could comprehend the hollow blackness of his heart. Whether or not there was any comfort there, only Shido could hear the lamentation that came from deep inside him. It was meant for him, like the wailing of that child.

If his own voice registered so harshly to his own ears, he worried what it sounded like to his father.

Did he hate it? Did he love it? Would it ever make it through?

 

“To those who already possess everything, children are a precious luxury. Trophies, if you will.”

“In what sense?” Akechi asked, fearing he already knew.

“What other sense is there?”

 

They weren't something to feel proud of. In his mind, they were just possessions.

 

“And... What happiness would such children have?”

“The love and attention of their parents, I suppose,” Shido said, shrugging. Naturally, he didn't sound attached to the idea. He didn't even know what those words meant. Trophies were things that were left on shelves, ignored.

It was too much to hope that Shido felt anything like love for him. Sometimes, Akechi felt like he glimpsed a glimmer of something, but it always vanished quickly when he tried to chase after it with his eyes. Even if there came a future in which his father acknowledged him and treated him kindly, Akechi feared that he would never be his number one. From the beginning, he was just a mistake. He hadn't been made to be loved.

A horrible thought was birthed at the back of his mind.

If, in such a future, Shido loved someone else and had another child – one that was wanted, that received the love and attention of its parents...

 

“Thank you for humoring me, Shido-san.”

 

That man was a barren field.

 

That future would never come to be. And, even if there were a chance, no matter how miniscule, Akechi decided adamantly that he would destroy it. He, a mistake, would tear it apart with his own hands. He would not allow Shido even the illusion of happiness if it didn't also include him.

Shido's ambition, his success, and even his happiness were his to decide.

 

“Akechi-kun.”

Akechi lifted his head at the unexpected use of his name.

“If there's something you want – something of personal importance to you – then you should dedicate your life to its pursuit. The research of cognitive psience has shown me the possibilities of life. It is my goal to rule over this country, to seize the world, but there are also fascinating, separate worlds that exist within individuals. Even if you don't have a Palace, Akechi-kun, the world you live in is yours and yours only. No one else can experience it the way you do.”

“Isn't that solipsism...?”

He smiled, void of cruelty; a kind and disarming expression. “I'm just curious to see how far you can go.”

Akechi hadn't expected him to say that. It sounded encouraging, so it made him feel paranoid.

“What I want is just something small.”

“Then steal it,” Shido suggested. The playful look in his eyes made Akechi feel like he was daring him to come take it from him – to steal it like those thieves would.

Akechi gave him an agreeable smile. “Maybe I will,” he said. “I'll find my own way.”

He was Robin Hood. Even if no love existed among that man's riches, he would find his own happiness in taking it all away from him. He would begin by taking that invitation of his. And then-...

“Akechi.”

Ah. He sounded irritated.

“I'm not getting any work done here.”

Feeling his face warming, Akechi stepped away from the desk. He stood back, rubbing his neck, and gave him a bashful look, feigning embarrassment. “S-Sorry, sir. I didn't intend to talk for so long. Y-You know I just enjoy the attention.”

Closing his laptop, Shido pushed back his chair. When Akechi saw him rise, he worried that he'd gone farther than he meant to and put him in a bad mood. Despite his paranoia, the atmosphere remained calm. He watched, heart thumping in his throat, as Shido went across the room to the coat rack to retrieve his coat.

He gestured toward the door. “Come on.”

“Y-Yes...?”

While checking his suit pocket for cigarettes, Shido sighed, presumably at his confusion. “Food. You wouldn't let me focus, so I'm taking a break. You look like you barely eat and it would be inconvenient for me if you fell over.” He found his cigarettes and tucked them back into his pocket, looking more satisfied once he reassured himself that he had some on him.

“...You're just humoring me again, aren't you?”

“Is that a problem? You like the attention.”

Using that as his excuse made his intentions seem so obvious. What a lonely loser. He couldn't share his real self with anyone else, either. For that reason, Akechi savored every insult, every hit, every forcibly stolen kiss, every moment he exposed his weakness. At least that fool trusted him enough to give him those gifts. It wasn't a lot, but Akechi felt like something was sprouting from the hate inside him. Every time he indulged the hate and sought more of it, he seemed to find something new that he loved about his father.

The more he hated, the more he loved and the more he felt himself stepping away from childhood, becoming someone who was unsettled by children and the thought of new life. Disgust and jealousy blossomed. His hands, so stained with blood, were only able to perceive a future filled with tragic endings. The more he searched about in the dark, the more fearful he became of understanding the feelings of his father who was so repulsed by the idea of having a child.

 

He wasn't an adult, but he wasn't a child anymore, either.

 

Like an adult, he wanted to touch him and connect with him. Like a child, he desperately sought his attention. Like his worst nightmare, he wanted to consume him.

 

He had such bad taste.

 

Standing at the office door, Akechi reached out and fixed the collar of Shido's coat for him.

Hands resting on his broad chest, he looked up at him and leaned a little closer. “You can have me tonight,” he said.

At first, Shido looked surprised, but then he grinned wolfishly. “That easy, huh?” He lifted a hand and touched Akechi's face, caressing his cheek with his thumb. His hands felt so big, his touch so warm, Akechi couldn't help but become weak in his grasp, pressing his cheek into his palm.

He looked away and replied quietly.

“I said it was just something small...”

He hoped to keep his father awake all night with his wailing.


End file.
